


walls are only broken by storms

by illiadeum (Zombias)



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Implied Relationships, M/M, One-Sided Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-31
Updated: 2012-12-31
Packaged: 2017-11-23 03:52:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/617782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zombias/pseuds/illiadeum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he awakes, it’s quiet morning like any other. He lingers in bed, but he won’t dare to turn over to sleep. He can’t. Being asleep is just the same as being awake. It’s been two weeks.</p>
<p>Erik rolls his head to the side, gazing at the empty pillow next to his own, untouched by head or hair. He looks back to the ceiling, a silence thrumming loud in his ears next to his own heartbeat. The heartbeat he had memorized to be in sync with Charles is just the same, but it’s so different.</p>
<p>Everything is so different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	walls are only broken by storms

**Author's Note:**

> Another cross-post from my old LJ.
> 
> Originally, this was posted with an accompanying soft-music fanmix only six songs long, but the fanmix itself got lost when I got a new computer. If requested, though, I'll gather it all back together. The names of each of the songs is listed under the corresponding part in the fic, if you're just curious.

When he awakes, it’s a quiet morning like any other. He lingers in bed, but he won’t dare to turn over to sleep. He can’t. Being asleep is just the same as being awake; daunting, taunting, haunting. It’s been two weeks. He’s not alone. He’s _alone._ He’s not at home.

Erik rolls his head to the side, gazing at the empty pillow next to his own, untouched by head or hair. He looks back to the ceiling, a silence thrumming loud in his ears next to his own heartbeat. The heartbeat he had memorized to be in sync with Charles' own beat is just the same, but it’s so different.  
  
Two weeks without Charles...

I.  
"Cathedrals" - Jump, Little Children

A submarine. Metal. Reaching. Drowning. Water, water, water, water, water, Charles.

The flicker of a touch flits to mind:

“I thought I was alone," and, “You’re not alone.”

Alone - lonesome - somber - without.  
  
And then he was with Charles.  
  
He had breached the surface, and although he hadn’t asked for or prayed to a diety before, didn’t dare to in fear of disappointment, knowing requests were failed, he had found himself thanking someone, thanking the air, thanking nothing for someone, for home, for Charles.  
  
He had never been searching before.  
  
He had never searched for someone to believe in, for someone to count in, for someone to put trust in. He had himself and his memories, and he swore that was all needed, because it was. He didn’t want to be found; he didn’t want a spotlight, a limelight, or any kind of light. He wanted retribution, reprisal, revenge. He didn’t need to find a god, or a friend, or a home.

But Charles had found him.  
 

II.  
"You Are the Moon" - the Hush Sound

Charles had found everything in him.

The man seemed to swear by the moon that he could do good, and while Erik held his doubts, he never spoke a word of it, because the little cant to Charles’ lips made him never want to speak against him.  
  
At first, he was the same as he had always been: he didn’t trust, he didn’t believe, he didn’t need.  
  
But Charles was crawling under his skin, his words of praise, of optimism, of his complete and unwaivering faith in him had set him back a great many steps. It was that knowing smirk, that glint of his eye, that subtle hint that he could be good. Erik thought differently: I don’t know, you can’t see, it just can’t be. Yet, no matter how many times he argued quietly while looking at Charles over the chess table, deep into the heart of battle between White King and Black King, he couldn’t help but feel surrender make its way upon him.  
  
He hadn’t wanted it: hadn’t wanted friends, hadn’t wanted family, hadn’t wanted peace.

Charles was a silently resilient man.  
 

III.  
"Wonderwall" - Ryan Adams

Chess games, wine glasses, satellites.

He had tried to argue, tried to fight, tried to deny, but it always crept back into everything he did. _Charles._ He had found himself steadily forgetting Shaw, steadily remembering Alex, Armando, Angel, Hank, Mystique, Sean, Charles, finding his way between rage and serenity, using their twisted little family of outcasts as a leverage point in his life.  
  
He tried arguing, tried fighting, tried denying, but, like a satellite, he was in orbit around Charles.  
  
He had been right; Charles had been right.  
  
Since he had met Shaw, he hadn’t believed in god, hadn’t believed in friends, hadn’t believed in humanity, hadn’t believed in home. He had shelter in his mind, shelter wherever he happened to be for the night, wherever he wanted or needed to be. Humanity didn’t want him and he didn’t need a god, didn’t need friends, didn’t need a home; he had his memories and he had the walls of his own heart, and that was all that he needed.  
  
But then there was Charles.  
  
Charles had become his memories.  
  
Charles had become his walls.  
  
Charles had become his home.  
  


IV.  
"In My Veins" - Andrew Belle

He didn’t agree with Charles; he was too optimistic about humanity. Erik found he didn’t want to agree, either - couldn’t agree with Charles about his hope for humanity, his hope for acceptance by the world.

Mutants - they were the future.  
  
Seeing the future before them scares humans; they scramble to fix it, rush about to change it, succeed, fail, rush. They become frantic and fight, fight, fight. Erik was willing to fight.  
  
Charles was not.  
  
It was a morning like any other, where he and Charles had awoken early and eaten breakfast together in companionable silence before their morning run. Or, at least, it was usually their morning run together, but Charles had stood as they finished breakfast and smiled back at him over his shoulder so kindly and said they should take a walk through the garden, because the morning was just so lovely, said they could see the sun rise together, since they were up before dawn. Erik really couldn’t help himself in returning the smile.  
  
When they had finished their breakfast, they walked out side-by-side to the garden in a slow, lingering pace. The silence between them wasn’t awkward - it never was. It was just them, and they were comfortable with each other, always had been. They didn’t need words, and he knew that Charles felt the same way as he. So they walked in the light darkness before the sun would rise, just walking together, each with his hands in his pockets and their elbows just knocking slightly sometimes, their footsteps in sync as always. Whenever Erik would look to Charles, he would be smiling off towards the treeline for the horizon, a distant, longing, happily calm look on his face with his small smile for a moment before he would return Erik’s gaze, and his smile would stay content, the same kind of expression rising onto Erik’s lips to linger there until they were just a single entity, for footfalls, soft breaths, swing-of-the-arms, thoughts, and heartbeats, the synchronicity of which he had long since memorized, and he could no longer deny the feeling of ease in his veins, the ease of Charles.  
  
All of him had become for Charles.

 

V.  
"the Storm (acoustic)" - Lifehouse

When he failed, Charles made him succeed. When he was tired, Charles gave him energy. When he needed, Charles gave. When he fought, Charles fought along side him. They were one at all times; perhaps a Yin and a Yang, yes, but surely they were one for the same entity.

Shaw was only a glimmer of memory in the back of his mind, the rage to counter the serenity of Charles. Shaw had shaped him, but Charles had polished him off. Shaw was a storm, Charles was a rescue.  
  
There were so many things in his mind that he wished he could share with Charles, wished he could tell him, and he knew he could - he could tell Charles anything, he knew it so. But some things he held back from the other man.  
  
That morning when Charles stood up from where they sat in the garden, the sun had danced around his face, minutes after it had finally pushed above the treelines, and all the darkness was turning steadily from deep navy blues to soft pale ones, from his eyes to Charles’ own, and Erik knew it had been meant to continue like that.

 

VI.  
"9 Crimes" - Damien Rice

It hadn't been meant to end like this.

Together they were impossible to defeat; they had gone farther than missiles could fly, at a speed faster than warships could cross waters. They had transcended every possibility; they were better than humans, better than gods, friends, and homes.  
  
They had not been faster than bullets.  
  
He had cradled the body into his arm, resisted a sob as he looked upon the pale face against the dark hair and the bright blue eyes that were beginning to cloud over. He had fought and killed and choked and, Charles, he wanted to scream. Scream for Charles, scream at Charles, and he screams _Charles._  
  
 _Charles,_ it’s all my fault, blame me, stay with me, stay with me, for you are my brother, my friend, my home, and Charles, this can’t be the end. They lied when they said the good die young. They lied, Charles. They lied to you. How can you still want to stay with them? Do not stay with the ones who shunned and will shun you, stay with me. Do not fight for the ones who had lied to you, tried to kill you. I am not your enemy, Charles. Charles, listen to me, stay with me, Charles, I can’t let you go now. I can’t let you go, or you will fall, my friend. You wouldn’t let me fall, and I will not let you fall, my friend. Rest, Charles, rest; I have you. I will always have you. You’re all I have; I love you; I can’t let you fall. Stay with me, Charles, listen; we want the same future. My future is to be with you, to stay with you, to cherish you, hold you, keep you up the way you have held me up, keep you safe the way you have kept me, keep you strong the way you have made me. Stay with me, Charles, please, oh, please, stay with me. You are my future; the future for me is only us. We want the same future, we want the same thing--

"We want the same thing!"

“Oh, my friend...  
  
“We do not.”


End file.
